The Wedding

Not whether, but which. Our guide for the bride sets the rule: choose against the fabric of the gown rather than to match it. Ivory satin wants cream or champagne with some surface to it; lace wants a plain piece. A second white beside the first makes both look wrong.

Head scarf or wrap is one piece of cloth, not two products. A scarf at 200 by 70 centimetres goes over the head for a ceremony that asks for it and comes down to the shoulders for the photographs; a shawl is for the shoulders from the start. Both drape the way the draping guide shows, with one anchor point. On timing: ten weeks is plenty. Delivery is three to five working days, so order now, hold it against the dress in daylight, and use the fourteen days if it is wrong. The cream Desert Haze pashmina at £100 and the ivory Jacquard cashmere at £74 are the two we would start with; the ivory Zar-e-Mehr pashmina scarf at £420 is for the dress that cost the survey average, £1,532.

Debrett's has the mother of the bride dressed before the bride, so the morning goes on her daughter, and has the bridesmaids leave a wrap or shawl at the reception venue so they are unencumbered for the ceremony. Ourmother of the bride guide gives the colour rule: one shade deeper than the outfit, embroidered if the outfit is plain.

Five that match is the honest difficulty. We hold most colours two at a time. Today a set of five exists in exactly two: the Ivory Storm ArtWrap at £55 and the Sapphire Rouge Heritage scarf at £120. For any other colour we order the set in from Kashmir, so ask us for the date before you commit. Gift wrapping is offered, and each piece is priced on its own: five wool silk scarves at £25 is £125, five cashmere at £74 is £370, delivery free either way.

An October wedding outdoors is 14 degrees by day and 7 by night on the Birmingham averages, with rain on twelve days, and the sun sets at a quarter to seven on the first of October and at twenty to five a month later. The photographs happen at dusk. The Church of England's own advice to guests is an extra layer to take you from day to evening.

So: a shawl rather than a scarf, as our scarf or shawl guide explains, and in a colour that contrasts with the dress rather than matching it. Debrett's rules out head-to-toe white or cream and warns that all black reads as sombre; everything between is open. Under £150 buys cashmere: plain 200 by 70 scarves at £70 to £90 in saffron, raspberry, aqua and gold, or handwoven Heritage pieces at £120. Under £50 buys wool silk at £25 to £30, the choice if the money went on the dress, or the Moonlight Glow evening shawl at £55 in fourteen colours.

Start with the label, because the law does. In the UK a textile label may only use the fibre names on the permitted list, and pashmina is not one of them; cashmere is. The American rule puts a number on cashmere: undercoat fibre from the cashmere goat with an average diameter of no more than 19 microns. Pashmina is the trade's word for the finest of it, the fleece of the Changthangi goat of Ladakh, and the registered Kashmir Pashmina mark specifies fibre of up to 16 microns, hand spun and handwoven in Jammu and Kashmir. A label reading 100 per cent pashmina is not a fibre declaration; cashmere, from a seller who can name the goat, the spinning and the loom, is.

The home tests are weaker than the internet says. A burn test tells animal fibre from viscose or polyester, since hair shrivels from a flame and cellulose flares, but it cannot tell cashmere from sheep's wool and it costs a thread. The ring test proves nothing: fine viscose passes it and a dense genuine shawl can fail. The only proof is a laboratory looking at the scales on the fibre. Every piece in the pashmina collection is hand spun and handwoven in the Kashmir valley; the heirlooms are 225 by 115 centimetres, smaller than the Victoria and Albert Museum's Kashmir shawl of 1850 at 3.5 metres by 1.36. The photographs are ours, the piece can be seen in the Birmingham shop, and it can come back within fourteen days. Our guide to identifying pashmina goes further.

UK delivery is three to five working days, £4.95 under £60 and free above it. Worldwide delivery is seven to 21 days, free from £200. Returns run fourteen days from delivery for unworn pieces with their tags. For a single piece, ten days ahead is comfortable; for a set ordered in, add the time we quote.

• £25 to £65Wool silk scarves, 200 by 70: the guest on a dress budget, and bridesmaid sets.
• £49 to £320Wool and wool silk shawls, 100 by 200: reversible at £49 to £76, embroidered at £93 to £320, for the mother of the bride.
• £70 to £140Cashmere scarves, plain and handwoven: the guest who will wear it all winter, the bride in ivory.
• £100 to £180Pashmina shawls and kani scarves, hand spun and handwoven: the gift with the provenance on the listing.
• £1,050 to £2,100The embroidered heirlooms, 225 by 115, months of needlework: the bride whose shawl outlasts the dress.